Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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