i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
