Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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