You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
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I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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