I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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