I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
