its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
