I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
