I could have mohawked her pubes.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
