i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
