the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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