So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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