your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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