I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
