Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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