I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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