make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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