you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
