my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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