So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
