I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So vagazzling was a success
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
