dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
