Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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