I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
