I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
