he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
