She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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