The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
