i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
