so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
