is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
