As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
