Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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