In the future we'll all be gay
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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