All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
