the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize