Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
