just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
