I can text with my tongue
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
