I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
