Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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