I think I won the penis lottery.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hippo gnu deer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
