oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
