Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
