I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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