Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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