i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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