Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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