I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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