you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
