glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
MIDGETS
????
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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