I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
