things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
