just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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