oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
