Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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