when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think my vagina is haunted
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
