I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
