My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You made out with two different species that night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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