My nipple is on Facebook.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
