There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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