We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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