His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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