He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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