I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
