I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
