i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize